subtitled "Why I'm addicted to Xanax"
I am so happy to say that my husband coaches my sons in sports. He does a great job coaching, and is teaching them a lot. At first, I had my reservations, because he is pretty strict and competitive, but over time I've seen that he brings out the best in them. It's interesting to see how the boys respond to me when I give them sports advice, versus their father when he coaches them. Long story short, mom does not know anything about sports. When their father speaks, they may whine or complain, but in the end, they do it and they are amazing! I'm always amazed by the difference in their performance when my husband is there at their games, versus just their mom. They are more engaged, more competitive and tend to be more successful.
That being said, there are a few things that really irk me about being the coach's wife.
1. As the wife, I am always the team manager whether I want to be or not. This involves massive schedule, organization of uniforms, registration fees etc. You practically need a PhD in Accounting and Human Resources to manage everyone's stuff, but none of it is appreciated. Plus, the minute you send an email late, or forget to order the right uniform, people get really mad. "Gee, Ms. Smith, I'm sorry I ordered your son a YS, and not a YM, I understand that it's tight, but for pete's sake! I didn't want this job anyway!"
There's something really demoralizing about having to do a good job at the job you didn't want in the first place.
2. Why do people sign up for sports if they are not going to go to practice? You may not think that your child needs practice, but I assure you they do. You may think that you have other stuff to do, but my husband is making time to teach your kid a sport. You need to respect his time by showing up. Because, trust me, if you are not there, I will hear about it!
3. People who play on more than one team, and place last priority on this one. I'm sick and tired of the moms who say,"I'm sorry we can't make your practice, but we had another practice with our academy team, and we pay for that one". So if I charge you, you will show up? Because, believe me that can definitely be arranged. My husband volunteers his time to teach your child. That is time away from his family, time away from work that he puts aside for the team. You may think that he just enjoys yelling at kids but that's not true. He genuinely wants to coach them. It would be nice of you to show up whether you pay him or not. But if you want to pay, make the check out to his wife.
4. The other mom that has to point out every time I make a mistake. I once sent an email about practice or something and put "March 7th" instead of "May 7th". Since I sent the email in April, and the event was coming up, most people figured out what I meant. I know that sounds like a stupid mistake, but considering that I have 5 kids, and one is 7 months old, mistakes like that happen a lot because I'm rushing to get an email out between crying jags. (my baby's crying jags, not my own. Those I have to fit in whenever I can)
Anyway, invariably, there is always one mom who has to email back a snarky message like, "Ummm....I think you meant May...or am I confused?? LOL". This then necessitates me sending a correction email, and an apology email and basically feeling like a dumbass. Is that really necessary? I already feel like a dumbass about 75% of the time, so do you really need to point it out? And, can you not figure out what I meant?? Since March has passed, the logical assumption is that I might mean May, right? Or, at least reply directly to me to verify, quit using the "reply to all" key. Because hopefully no one else noticed my mistake and I don't want you pointing it out.
5. The overtexting parent. What is up with the parents that text all the time? I got one yesterday that said, "What is the practice schedule this week". Um...I don't know...why don't you read the freaking email that I sent you last week? I'm at the grocery store right now and i don't have time to look it up. Or, the ones that say "What field are we on?" about 5 minutes before the game. #1. I might not be looking at my phone so I dont get your text and #2. can you not read the email/check the website etc. BEFORE you leave the house? I know you are busy, but take your level of busy-ness and then add on the fact that I'm managing 3 different teams of my husbands...I think I might have you beat! (And I only say that to the people that have less than 5 kids...if you have 5+ kids and manage 3 teams or more than I apologize) And that brings me to....
6. The "I'm so busy" parent. I'm so sick of hearing how busy everyone is. When you tell me that you are so busy all the time, it makes me think that you think I'm NOT busy. Trust me, I'm busy. In fact, I'm guessing that we are ALL pretty darn busy. If I ask you for help, it's not that I don't want to do something or that I'm trying to clear my plate so I can nap more, it's that I genuinely could use some help. I love the parent that is a stay at home mom, who has 1 child, who talked my ear off one afternoon about how incredibly busy she is. I have no idea what she was doing, maybe working on her cure for cancer or feeding the homeless or something, but somehow, in her mind, she was busier than any other stay at home mom on the planet.
And for the working moms, I KNOW you are busy...you work...you are important. Now chew on this...I work too! I am home all day with little kids, it pays for crap and there is no recognition, but trust me, I am working. So when you tell me how busy you are because you have a JOB, don't be surprised if steam doesn't come out of my ears. You see, I used to have a JOB too....I remember it fondly, aside from the stress and the tough boss and the deadlines, I also had hours to myself with access to email and the internet without a baby on my lap. I also got to eat out at restaurants for 1-2 hours with other adults without having to ask for a kid menu. And, I got to spend 45 minutes in the car on the way to work, BY MYSELF! While I hated it at the time, I miss the quality time spent with just my Ford and my radio. So, I realize that the vision of me sitting on my butt, eating bon bons, and watching TV is very popular, the reality just doesn't fit the fantasy. I may have the TV on in the background while I'm feeding a baby, I may be bribing my 5 year old with bon bons to get him to finish his lunch, but the similarities stop there....I'm working.
7. I'm not your therapist. What is up with everyone coming to me and asking my advice on letting little Tommy or Johnny miss practice? I don't care! Yes, I would like you to go to practice because when you don't it impacts the entire team. Yes, I think you made a commitment for your child to be at practices and games when you signed up. Yes, my husband and child HAVE to go to every practice and game becuase they made a commitment and my husband has to coach and I might be a tad bit resentful if you don't place the same importance on their time that I do.
So, don't come to me and tell me that your child has a hangnail and ask for my permission to miss practice. First of all, it's not my decision....I'm not the parent. If your child is sick, you need to make the decision to keep them home. Secondly, it's not my job to make you feel good about your decision. If you are questioning whether you are right in missing a game for a Chuck E Cheese birthday party, then maybe it's not the right decision. However, if you come to me and ask my opinion, I'm going to tell you and you may not like my answer. Therefore, remember, I am NOT your therapist and it is not my job to validate your feelings. Sorry!
8. Don't complain to me about my husband's coaching methods. Since I am his wife, I always feel partially responsible when people get mad at my husband. I don't know why, I mean, we are two totally different people! Just because we are married, it doesn't mean that I control his behavior or he controls mine. We do work well together and love each other, but we are two completely separate beings. For some reason, team parents think that we share the same brain. I get asked all the time about "Why is little Johnny last in the batting line-up?" or "Why did my Timmy sit out in the 3rd quarter?" I have no freaking idea?! As we've already established, I know nothing about sports and for me to know the answer, you would be assuming that my husband and I communicate. We're married! Of course, we don't talk to each other. Right now, with all the teams he's coaching and the practices I'm driving to, we are lucky to even see each other once a week.
My other pet peeve is the parent that calls me to tell me that my husband was hard on their child, or they don't like his practice methods. I had one tell me that her child didn't like practice because my husband makes him run too much. What?! I'm not the one coaching, people! If you don't like it and want to complain, complain to the coach. Then, maybe the running will stop...maybe he can make your child do push-ups instead. If you have a complaint about the fact that I ordered your uniform wrong or sent an incorrect email, I'm the one you want, otherwise, leave me out of it.
9. And, finally, if you don't like the way we do things, feel free to do it yourself! Is my husband the best children's coach in the world?? Probably not. Am I the most organized, upbeat, positive team mom in the world?? Hell, no! But, it's very hard to please everyone and I assure you we are trying. It is highly likely that my husband or I may make a mistake... he may coach too strictly, I may forget to send you a reminder for a game....but please give us some slack. This is all volunteer and our intentions are good. My husband and I love every one of your children. Do we always like them, not necessarily, but since we have kids of our own, we recognize that they are all special. (some are more special than others) Please know that my husband wouldn't coach if he didn't enjoy it and truly want to make a difference with your child. If you don't like it, feel free to step up and volunteer to coach. Chances are, some of these pet peeves, will follow.
